Okay, I've never had so much stuff on my mind like I do now! I dont know who I can talk to about it, not that I would know how to make someone else understand how I feel. Nor do I know who I can trust with all my feelings. Yes, I have my husband but he doesnt really give me any advice about how I feel. So I guess in a way it helps me so it doesnt make me feel worse if I feel I've done something wrong. I just feel like I should let go of certain things & certain people in my life cuz all they do is make me feel lower then dirt. Or bring to much drama into my life & I dont want it. But on the other hand these are people whom I care about more then anything. So I dont know what to do. I know with one of the situations I should sit down & talk to them about it but I dont know how to make them feel how I feel. or for them to understand. & I dont wanna feel like I've wasted my time or theres. I just dont know what to do or who to turn to. I just feel lost & empty inside. Along with a worthless human being. I just feel so depressed & alone. With no one to turn to! Ugh....I dont know what to do anymore!!

I dont know why I'm such a screw up or why people think I'm such a screw up. So what I didn finish school. So what I'm not trying for my GED. So what I dont have a job. But what I do have means more to me then anything in this whole world & thats my son. Nothing means more to me then him & if it wasnt for him I dont know where I would be in this world. I dont understand how my family can think I'm a screw up & that I'm lazy. I just wish that they would be proud of me no matter what. I long to hear my parents tell me that there proud of me. I just wish they would understand that I'm 21 & when I'm ready to get my ged & start the career I've always wanted that I would. Untill then I just want to be with my son & watch him grow up to the little man I know he is. I do however wish I could get a job & keep it & save money to get my own place with my son. Nothing would mean more to me then that. Cuz with Charles most days I'm just not happy & want to run away. But I have no where to run to. My whole family knows most of the places I would go. So it wouldn't last long. I just dont know anymore. I do wish I was ready to start my career, but i'm not. & no one can force me. Thats something I have to do myself. Besides I dont have the time to study for my ged. I've tried to twice & it never last. This last time got messed up cuz I was in the process of moving & packing then unpacking & organizing. It was just mad crazy. I just wish that for 2 hours or something I could go to a library somewhere & study. Libraries are quiet & I dont have to worry about interuptions. But yea right, Charles wouldnt let me do that. He never lets me do anything. I know I sound like a great candiate for the loony ben or someone that needs some kind of depression pills. But I dont I just have a life that sucks worst then anyone could ever imagine. The only thing that isnt a screw up in my life is Dominic. & I'm extremly thankful for him. Now people know that i would truly be lost without him...ugh why cant i just be happy. I deserve it dont I? Or do i? I'm not sure anymore. I sometimes think God is puinshing me for something. But not sure what I dont think I've done something that bad in my life to deserve it this bad. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I should just take off with D-man & go somewhere...Anywhere...but where???

I seen this video on Yahoo. & thought it was soooo adorable..lol..

I felt like putting a cute picture of Dominic on here..

I dont understand how someone you could love would think so low of you. My husband doesnt think very highly of me. Not sure why though. He thinks that since i dont go out there & work a paying job that I shouldnt be able to do anything? NO! I do work. No it doesnt pay me but no money would come close to the joy & love that I have for my full time job. Which is take care of my son. I'm not ready to get a job. I just wanna be with my son & watch him grow. But he should know how it is. When I ask him to watch Dominic while I clean the house he gets frustrated & impatient with him. I dont even do that & I'm with him all day. He wouldnt last ONE whole day by himself with Dominic. So can someone please explain to me why or what the heck he's thinking. Or why he's thinking that way towards me. I'm his wife...I just dont understand anymore. But I'm gonna keep my head up high. Cuz my father & my son are the only two men I need in my life. :)

I have so many thoughts that are running thru my head at this point I dont even know where to beginning.

Let me just start off by saying look @ my blog. It look amazing thanks to Sami. She really does do some amazing work. Thanks again Sami. I love it. ♥ ya.

I tried to figure out how to make siggies & things but it just didnt work out. & that kinda makes me mad.frustrated.sad. all at the same time. I really want to do them myself so i can just go hog wild with them but i'm so not creative. I did however download loads of things to use with them & have loads of ideas in my head but no way to bring them out so people can see. oh well hopefully with the "school" I'm taking it will help me.

OMG & i cant believe Christmas is in what you mine as well say 4 days. cRaZy! Where really does the time go? it doesnt seem like a year has went by already. It doesnt feel like last year I had Dominic. It's just so crazy and mind blowing how fast it really has went by. If having one child makes time go by this fast geez I'd hate to see what the time would do with 2 kids. Which is what my husband & i are talking about. Wont be till next year to try if we do anything. But we have enough money problems now it would only be harder if we brought another one into the mix. But as he would say its our life & we can make it work :

Some other things I need to say is I dont understand how someone can go around & say there your friend & turn around & say things they dont mean. Or why they seem to understand why they didnt come see there "bestfriend" whom they havent seen in years...just blows my mind. it makes me really wonder how people live with themselves. or how they have any friends at all. or ya know maybe it's the nice ones they shit on? Who knows? But they shouldnt think I'm gonna forgive & forget. It's gonna take time for the bruise to go away on my heart. Cu I was really hurt.

Well that's it for now. Thanks to Sami once again. ♥ ya girl. xoxo

Answers given by 6 year old school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot..
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between Moms & Dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

OMG! It is 11 o clock at night & my son is awake crying his head off. I think he may of had one of his bad dreams or his teeth are bothering him. It may also be that were staying at my parents & it's something new. Or water heater went out & wont be fixed till Monday so were staying here till then. So hopefully he does better tomorrow night. ugh....

WOW! This would be my adorable little man Dominic. Whom was one on December 4th. Sometimes he drives me up the wall..lol. & other times he's the most precious thing ever. He means more then I could of ever imaged. & I dont know where I would be without him. He truely is my life saver. Cant wait for Christmas cuz this is his first offical one & cant wait
to see how he does opening all the glorious gifts my
mother got him...lol....yes she went a little overboard..lol. but what can i say, she does love that boy :) He is walking & gets into EVERRRYTHING but I know he's just exploring. My how he does love to do that...hahaha. But we put him in his first beauty pageant & he won. Made me so proud. I use to do them when I was younger but i had to be taken out of them for a short bit due to some things. Not wanting to mention......I still do them every once in awhile but now I have the pleasure of putting my handsome little man in them. :))) Ya know there are still times to this day that i still cant believe that im a mama. I figured by now it would have set in. But when I look at him it just amazes me that this little adorable boy is mine. He truely is a blessing & at times a pain in the butt...lol. He's been teething & getting his top teeth in & I thought it was just his two front ones but it's not. NOOOO it's the four front ones. cRaZy! & cant find no damn teething tablets anywhere in this damn town...lol. Its like they feel off the face of this city or something. :D & dont ask anyone nooooo they get smart with you. But hopefully I find them soon. Oh & not to mention he doesnt really talk still jabbers. But when you tell him no. OH MY he will do this thing where he sticks his butt out & his chest out & I swear he's back talking me. & not knowing what he says but it's so freaking adorable. & he knows he's cute too...lol...But thanks to my mother she has him spoiled rotten. But as she would say I guess it's pay back. whatever i wasnt spoiled. but he's learning to run. he will find things to get to something he wants. & he usually gets it :) He's very smart too. He knows how to opens drawers, cell phones & call people you've recently called, cans, & if you try & block him in he usually finds a way around it. Thankful he's smart. Well that's all for now. But I'm sure it wont be for the night.

WOW! I'm so stoked about all of this. Thanks to my great friend Sami. Whom told me about this. She's so smart & an amazing designer. Thanks girl. Anyways. I am a Mama & Wife & I have thousands of thought that run thru my mind all day long. So this will be a GREAT investment..lol. So sit tight & hope your ready..lol.

Just getting started on things. When I have the blog set the way I want. I will start my first offical blog.

Thanks again Sami. I really appreciate it ALOT!!!