I dont know why I'm such a screw up or why people think I'm such a screw up. So what I didn finish school. So what I'm not trying for my GED. So what I dont have a job. But what I do have means more to me then anything in this whole world & thats my son. Nothing means more to me then him & if it wasnt for him I dont know where I would be in this world. I dont understand how my family can think I'm a screw up & that I'm lazy. I just wish that they would be proud of me no matter what. I long to hear my parents tell me that there proud of me. I just wish they would understand that I'm 21 & when I'm ready to get my ged & start the career I've always wanted that I would. Untill then I just want to be with my son & watch him grow up to the little man I know he is. I do however wish I could get a job & keep it & save money to get my own place with my son. Nothing would mean more to me then that. Cuz with Charles most days I'm just not happy & want to run away. But I have no where to run to. My whole family knows most of the places I would go. So it wouldn't last long. I just dont know anymore. I do wish I was ready to start my career, but i'm not. & no one can force me. Thats something I have to do myself. Besides I dont have the time to study for my ged. I've tried to twice & it never last. This last time got messed up cuz I was in the process of moving & packing then unpacking & organizing. It was just mad crazy. I just wish that for 2 hours or something I could go to a library somewhere & study. Libraries are quiet & I dont have to worry about interuptions. But yea right, Charles wouldnt let me do that. He never lets me do anything. I know I sound like a great candiate for the loony ben or someone that needs some kind of depression pills. But I dont I just have a life that sucks worst then anyone could ever imagine. The only thing that isnt a screw up in my life is Dominic. & I'm extremly thankful for him. Now people know that i would truly be lost without him...ugh why cant i just be happy. I deserve it dont I? Or do i? I'm not sure anymore. I sometimes think God is puinshing me for something. But not sure what I dont think I've done something that bad in my life to deserve it this bad. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I should just take off with D-man & go somewhere...Anywhere...but where???