So I'm laying here in bed thinking about more then the normal person probably should at this hour & figured if I wanted to sleep tonight then I should try & get the stuff off my chest! I'm not even sure where I would begin or even how to fix it!

But here we go:

I'm tired of everything. & I mean EVERYTHING! My parents are trying to run my life like I'm some teenager again. Telling me who I can & can't have my son around. When & where I can go! I'm tired of it, last time I checked I was a 21 yr young adult who was a mother & made her own decisions. OH JEEZ don't get me started on the whole decision thing. They still think I'm stupid & making the wrong choice. But it is my choice. No one Else's. They try to make me think that in the long run this is gonna effect Dominic in some way, shape, or form but I honestly don't think it will. I got him out of the environment before it could do any real damage to him! But they still insist on making me feel very much unwelcome here & like I should just leave. So that's what shall be done! Where am I gonna go? I HAVE NO CLUE! But I'm sure I'll find somewhere to go.

My brothers, Jason & Chris, have dealt with this in there own way but still not a very good way! First, Jason wouldn't talk to me now he just makes smart ass comments towards me or behind my back (so childish)! Chris on the other hand tells me how he feels but doesn't bother to take in consideration of how I feel. So I just try to avoid talking to either one of them which breaks my heart. There both like my best friend. Chris had always told me if I needed someone to talk to that he would be there as a "friend not as a brother" but wont even bother letting me try to make him understand how I feel or why I made the decision I have.

No one knows it but there ALL pushing me farther & farther away! & I'm just gonna close up & never speak to them they way I use to!

Charles, well he's reacting just the way he feels. I know he loves me & I know he trys to get me everything I want. But most girls need more then just material things. He still swears up & down that theres a chance for us. Sometimes I think maybe there is. But I know theres not. I'm just afraid no one else will love me the way he does or care for me. But I know he's out there somewhere & if it is Charles then GREAT! But he keeps trying to make me feel bad for my choice as well. He keeps asking me questions that I cant explain. I feel out of love with you. What more do you need to know. Sometimes I think I never really loved him. But if I didn't then why in the hell did I bother to even get married? Oh yea, I remember, I didn't want to be alone! & I knew that he would do anything in his power to see that I was happy. He did until a couple of months after Dominic was born. But it's done now & the decision has been made.

Dominic, WOW he's amazing & means the world to me. I hate when I have bad days (like today) cuz I, not meaning to, take it out on him. He usually just laughs at me anyways but I hate when I do that. It makes me feel so horrible. But OMG he doesn't listen sometimes & I just wanna beat him up..(figuratively speaking of course)...I don't understand why he doesn't listen you'd think after the first couple times of smacking the fingers or busting the ass he'd get the hint but....he doesn't..He just laughs at me, & you cant help but smile. I swear god gave women kids to lighten em up some. Dominic has made me a little more mellow then I was before & I will FOREVER be thankful for that! He means the world to be & I don't know what I would do without him in my life! Oh how a little person can make your whole life & life perspective change. They truly are miracles..

I guess I've rambled enough for now. I feel alot better then I did before that's for sure.

My new favorite saying: NEVER LEAVE THE ONE YOU LOVE FOR THE ONE YOU LIKE. CUZ THE ONE YOU LIKE WILL LEAVE YOU FOR THE ONE THEY LOVE!