With everything going on in my life lately & then yesterday being friday the 13th, then today. I didnt think things could get any worse in my life but I guess theres ALWAYS ways that it can....& it has. That was intill this morning when I got a myspace message from my soon to be sister-n-law with this poem...

Hearts and roses and kisses galore,
What the hell is all that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer,
It's defeantly the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove a dozen roses up cupids ass.
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow cupid shot at me must not have hit.
Cause i think this love thing is a crock of shit..
So, here's my story... what else can I say?
Love bites my ass... fuck valentines day!!

RULES OF MAN

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
11. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
12. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
14. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
15. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color . Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
18. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
23. You have enough clothes.
24. You have too many shoes.
25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
& lastly
26. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

I have started selling Avon to make extra cash while I look for a job! So if anyone would like to join my team or buy anything...Please feel free to visit my Avon page & browse around! My web page is www.youravon.com/jmeadows...

So I'm laying here in bed thinking about more then the normal person probably should at this hour & figured if I wanted to sleep tonight then I should try & get the stuff off my chest! I'm not even sure where I would begin or even how to fix it!

But here we go:

I'm tired of everything. & I mean EVERYTHING! My parents are trying to run my life like I'm some teenager again. Telling me who I can & can't have my son around. When & where I can go! I'm tired of it, last time I checked I was a 21 yr young adult who was a mother & made her own decisions. OH JEEZ don't get me started on the whole decision thing. They still think I'm stupid & making the wrong choice. But it is my choice. No one Else's. They try to make me think that in the long run this is gonna effect Dominic in some way, shape, or form but I honestly don't think it will. I got him out of the environment before it could do any real damage to him! But they still insist on making me feel very much unwelcome here & like I should just leave. So that's what shall be done! Where am I gonna go? I HAVE NO CLUE! But I'm sure I'll find somewhere to go.

My brothers, Jason & Chris, have dealt with this in there own way but still not a very good way! First, Jason wouldn't talk to me now he just makes smart ass comments towards me or behind my back (so childish)! Chris on the other hand tells me how he feels but doesn't bother to take in consideration of how I feel. So I just try to avoid talking to either one of them which breaks my heart. There both like my best friend. Chris had always told me if I needed someone to talk to that he would be there as a "friend not as a brother" but wont even bother letting me try to make him understand how I feel or why I made the decision I have.

No one knows it but there ALL pushing me farther & farther away! & I'm just gonna close up & never speak to them they way I use to!

Charles, well he's reacting just the way he feels. I know he loves me & I know he trys to get me everything I want. But most girls need more then just material things. He still swears up & down that theres a chance for us. Sometimes I think maybe there is. But I know theres not. I'm just afraid no one else will love me the way he does or care for me. But I know he's out there somewhere & if it is Charles then GREAT! But he keeps trying to make me feel bad for my choice as well. He keeps asking me questions that I cant explain. I feel out of love with you. What more do you need to know. Sometimes I think I never really loved him. But if I didn't then why in the hell did I bother to even get married? Oh yea, I remember, I didn't want to be alone! & I knew that he would do anything in his power to see that I was happy. He did until a couple of months after Dominic was born. But it's done now & the decision has been made.

Dominic, WOW he's amazing & means the world to me. I hate when I have bad days (like today) cuz I, not meaning to, take it out on him. He usually just laughs at me anyways but I hate when I do that. It makes me feel so horrible. But OMG he doesn't listen sometimes & I just wanna beat him up..(figuratively speaking of course)...I don't understand why he doesn't listen you'd think after the first couple times of smacking the fingers or busting the ass he'd get the hint but....he doesn't..He just laughs at me, & you cant help but smile. I swear god gave women kids to lighten em up some. Dominic has made me a little more mellow then I was before & I will FOREVER be thankful for that! He means the world to be & I don't know what I would do without him in my life! Oh how a little person can make your whole life & life perspective change. They truly are miracles..

I guess I've rambled enough for now. I feel alot better then I did before that's for sure.

My new favorite saying: NEVER LEAVE THE ONE YOU LOVE FOR THE ONE YOU LIKE. CUZ THE ONE YOU LIKE WILL LEAVE YOU FOR THE ONE THEY LOVE!